日番谷冬獅郎, Hitsugaya Tōshirō

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Wednesday, December 31, 2008

3:36 AM

great!

gonna start off with a...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2009' im coming for yea!

be prepared guys.,

cause this is officially the official of officials,

NEW ROY!

new year eve

todae,

i went to countdown at downtown!

was lik super crowded!!!

then i met up with everyone.,

cut chort

we went to eat at bk,

went play arcade,

went evrywher,

crowded so veri hard to move,

brought lik thousands of those snow spray and the other type.,

then countdown..

20..

19..

18..

3..

2..

1..

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!

everyone started spraying the cans,

then wa hong gan everyone tio messed up!

then later buy stuff,

go court at 100+..

then craze around!

super fun lor!

then go playground,

Elina siao siao le.. drink too much..

then buy somemore..

party,

then wa lao..

New Year all can stay lik late late 5+..

i go home earliest,

2+..

WTF?!

dun wan talk bout it.

but dam.,

i hate tis..

so tat's it..

boring!

tanks to some people..

enjoy the new ToushiroY!

HyourinmaroY!

Photobucket

日番谷冬獅郎,

Hitsugaya Tōshirō

Labels: HAPPY NEW YEAR

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

6:02 AM

[current mood: hopeless in pain.. :( ]

[current music: I can(t) do better -Avril Lavigne]

hopeless in pain,

as the days are getting further,

and further,

and further..

from hope..

hopes of starting afresh.,

seems like the heavens are playing around with me..

this post is a summary of the whole 2 freakin day..

the 29th

the 30th /current post

29th

badminton training decision day..

however

got the news tat my Grandfather was admitted in the hospital as his vision,

was blurred..

so i our family had to rush to the hospital to visit him,

then had dinner with other relatives ther too..

so training.,

to me,

was excused due to family critical conditions..

dun tell me tat i hav to make priority of my trainings,

the Lord comes first,

then comes family..

30th /current post

todae was another training,

so i should hav gone right?

still nope..

yesterday,

something unconditional happened..

so i was excused..

my grandfather was admitted in hospital,

todae had news from the doc' tat he too had a liver failure.,

and he was in the worst shape!

he cant move,

he cant even answer a nature's call!

dun even tink of turning on the tv as he has no strenght to lift a finger!

so yesterday was a repeat..

a game..

my grandfather now is stress in decisions..

if he were to operate on his eyes,

the doc' is worried he cant take it..

but yet!

if he don't,

he may anytime go blind..

i worry for him,

and will pray for him tat he hav the strenght of the Lord to aid him..

he is in need of a miracle,

friends.,

pls pray for him tat he may hav the strenght for the operation..

i tank you all on his behalf.,

i too ask forgivness from all the baddies from coral,

tat i did not make it to training tis holiday..

belive it or not,

next year im force to go!

so i will go,

WILLINGLY!

sometimes,

i wonder.,

why each day i wan to start-a-new..

i get blocked..

i tink im still a hum ji kia..

a stupid coward!

next year i pray for courage and wisdom..

tat i may move forward instead of rooted to wher i am..

tournaments are coming.,

yet i cant do anything!?

i cant prove myself as ther is nothin!

i just cant do it ok..

internal competitions coming too..

guess who's last?

me!

Me!

ME!

'tanks' guys..

this last lyrics dedication,

is to myself..

wher they say 'I Can Do Better'

but fact is.,

i CANT do any better!

'I can do better -Avril Lavigne'

Uh, yeah you can do it
I didn't give a damn what you say to me
I don't really care what you think of me

Cause either way you're gonna think what you believe

There's nothing you could say that would hurt me
I'm better off without you anyway
I thought it would be hard but I'm ok
I don't need you if you're gonna be that way
Because with me, it's all or nothing

I'm sick of this shit, don't deny
You're a waste of time
I'm sick of this shit, don't ask why

[Chorus]
I hate you now
So go away from me
You're gone, so long
I can do better, I can do better

Hey, hey you
I found myself again
That's why you're gone
I can do better, I can do better

You're so full of it
I can't stand the way you act
I just can't comprehend
I don't think that you can handle it
I'm way over, over it

I will drink as much Limoncello as I can
And I'll do again and again
I don't really care what you have to say
Cause you know, you know you're nothing

(I'm so sick)
I'm sick of your shit, don't deny
You're a waste of time
I'm sick of your shit, don't ask why

[Chorus]

[Bridge]
What'd you say
I told you so
You know that
Cause I always know
Get outta my face
Hey hey
You're not my taste
Hey hey

I am so
Sick of you
You're on my nerves
I want to puke
Get get out of my face
Hey hey
You're not my taste
Hey hey
Hey hey
Hey hey

[Chorus X2]

'i dont giv a dam what you say to me!'

日番谷冬獅郎,

Hitsugaya Tōshirō

Labels: rooted from taking one step

Sunday, December 28, 2008

5:19 AM

[current mood: angerfrustrationdepressionconfusiondistressed]

[current music: Last Christmas -Ashley Tisdale]

Last Christmas,

igav u my heart..

but the veri next day.,

you gav it away...

this year, to sav me from tears.

i'll giv it to someone special...

Last year,

i gav my soul into my CCA,

but in this present year.,

you did gav it away...

this year, to sav me from tears.,

should i put my heart and soul somewher else?

my heart says:

'go and be stronge among them as you still hav the passion for it..'

however,

my mind thinks:

'it's useless, you cant do anything right! goin ther is onli another rotting torture..'

who should i take path on?

my feelings tell me head on stronge..

but,

my thoughts says it'll onli be worst..

tmr's training,

one true training can change me..

but tat 1 can be the highest mountain i can climb..

'should i, should i not'

but i cant seem to bring myself to face evryone!

not tat it's my fault i nv come or something..

but how can i face evryone lik tis?

but i hav been undercover for a longlong time..

tis tat tis tat..

so many evils i heard.,

so many evils i seen.,

so many evils done..

and when someone else done them,

the evils just get unnoticed..

but why me?!

why must i be the one wher suspicous minds look at?!

at Church todae,

i prayed..

i prayed on forgiveness..

i prayed tat everything behind me will pass..

i prayed tat i will hav the strenght..

but will i be able to be stronge enough?

just put the blame on me!

i suc,

i seriously suc..

i cant do anything..

i hav no possbility of a talent in me!

i am what they call,

a pure loser..

a freaking bitch!

basterd!

freak!

nerd and still stupid..

i dunno what to do..

i just cant do anything..

im a useless freak..

im a freaking idiot!

im a freaking coward!

im hum ji bo ji!

i just dunno what,

how,

when to do anything..

just treat me as dirt..

i deserve it..

im nothing to you!

im just ur dog..

a cat..

a hamster..

a freaking dead mouse,

a handicapped tortise,

a shot-down bird,

a household low-life ant,

a cockroach waiting to be stepped on,

a lizard who frightens people,

a housefly who feeds on leftovers,

a mosquito onli feedin on people..

a freak-of-nature..

mayb if i go tmr,

i'll cut my wrist and go emo at a corner..

i'll be whacked and pushed.,

i'll be treated as a dog,

obeying it's owners every request..

lick his feet,

eat his leftovers,

do stuff tat proves im a dog..

or mayb,

i should resign to my fate as it is..

im a dog..

i'll lick ur feet,

i'll eat ur leftovers,

i'll be a dog u can beat up..

'should i should i not should i should i not should i should i not should i should i not should i..'

im just a pathatic loser..

im nothin in this universe..

dun even see this post..

'Roy was nv here,

...

and nv will he be.'

Lyrics Ashley Tisdale lyrics - Last Christmas lyrics

'i was nv in this world..'

日番谷冬獅郎,

Hitsugaya Tōshirō

Labels: feelings, heart, mind, thoughts

Saturday, December 27, 2008

7:51 AM

[current mood: confused.. >~<]
[current music: Untitled -Simple Plan]

Untitled -Simple Plan

I opened my eyes

I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight

And I can't stand the pain

And I can't make it go away

No I can't stand the pain

How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes

I've got no where to run

The night goes on

As I'm fading away

I'm sick of this life

I just wanna scream

How could this happen to me

Everybody's screaming

I try to make a sound but no one hears me

I'm slipping off the edge

I'm hanging by a thread

I wanna start this over again

So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered

And I can't explain what happened

And I can't erase the things that I've done

No I can't

How could this happen to me

I've made my mistakes

I've got no where to run

The night goes on

As I'm fading away

I'm sick of this life

I just wanna scream

How could this happen to me

I've made my mistakes

I've got no where to run

The night goes on

As I'm fading away

I'm sick of this life

I just wanna scream

How could this happen to me

i was just mesmoried by this song by Simple Plan..

'Untitled'

expecially tis year of 2008..
the chorus reflects my life tis year..

the songs is a sing-out to those i hurt..

so todae's post is gonna be bout my life reflected on 2 songs,

1st would be this Simple Plan song.,

it has realli expressed my feelings,

my thoughts tat is inside of me,
wanting to tell others how i feel.
but i cant,

im too weak..

im a loser..

the chorus:

my thoughts:

my Declaration:

How could this happen to me? How COULD it?

i made my mistakes, I DID and i regretted..

got nowher to run.. why won't you guys understand?

the night goes on as im fadin away, my life goes on in darkness..

im sick of this life, i realy am..

i just wanna scream.. but how can i now?

How could this hapen to me?

'its my declaration, to anyone whose listening..'

[current music: Scream -HSM3]

another song which shouts my feelings out..

this song is my personal fav. tat explains

feelings of how lost i am,

so bad im gonn 'Scream'!

Scream -HSM3

[Troy]

The day the door is closed

The echoes fill your soul

They won't say which way to go

Just trust your heart

To find what you're here for

Open another door

But I'm not sure anymore

It's just so hard

Voices in my head

Tell me they know best

Got me on the edge

They're pushin', pushin', they're pushin'

I know they've got a plan

But the ball's in my hands

This time is man-to-man

I'm drivin', fightin', inside of

(A world that's upside down)

It's spinning faster

What do I do now

Without you?

I don't know where to go

What's the right team

I want my own thing

So bad I'm gonna scream

I can't chose, so confused

What's it all mean

I want my own dream

So bad I'm gonna scream

I'm kicking down the walls

I gotta make them fall

Just break through them all

I'm punchin', crushin', I'm gonna

Fight to find myself

Me, and no one else

Which way, I can't tell

I'm searchin', searchin', can't find a

(Way that I should turn)

I should, to right or left, it...

It's like nothing works

Without you

I don't know where to go

What's the right team

I want my own thing

So bad I'm gonna scream

I can't chose, so confused

What's it all mean

I want my own dream

So bad I'm gonna scream

Yeah, the clock's running down,

Hear the crowd getting loud

I'm consumed by the sound

Is it her?

Is it love?

Can the music ever be enough?

Gotta work it out!

You can do it!

I don't know where to go

What's the right team

I want my own thing

So bad I'm gonna scream

I can't chose, so confused

What's it all mean

I want my own dream

So bad I'm gonna scream

I don't know where to go

What's the right team

I want my own thing

I can't chose, so confused

What's it all mean

I want my own dream

So bad I'm gonna scream

Ohh

Ahhhhhhhh...

sometimes i realli dunno what to do with my life..

i feel lik Screaming! it out!

im soo veri confused,

which way to go?

what does it realli mean?

why?

what?

when?

how?

sometimes i realli wan my own thing,

but voices all around me keep telling me what they wants..

not me..

they're pushing,

pushin..

what do i do now?

but i will work it out,

gotta work it out!

I can do it,

I can do it!

tis last vid is 'Scream' from High School Musical 3..

dedicated to all those who encouraged me..

all those who kept faith in me,

in times of need..
and i would offer my hand to anyone out ther..

i guess it's time we all open our heart and share our sorrows..

i'll be sharing on how your love for me tat kept me going.

i hope im in ur heart helping you, loving you, always..

'the whole world's upside down, it's spinning faster..'

日番谷冬獅郎,

Hitsugaya Tōshirō

Labels: Scream -HSM3, Untitled -Simple Plan

Friday, December 26, 2008

6:25 AM

[current music: A beautiful lie -30 seconds to mars]

[current mood: pissing.. in both ways]

(can choose to believe tis post or not, 'i dont care' -FallOutBoy)

todae i said i wanted to go Expo right?

then Bugis?

then i WAS also planing to go training after that, as i havent been going for sometime now..

and it Is after Christmas..

but!

suddenly, i dunn why?

my father ask me go Malaysia todae?!

so sudden..

i'm sorri Bh, Allson, Wc.,

if i changed the plans so sudden..

so todae was a couple of mess @$@%@#$

i hav to start now if i wan to buck up..

but it seems somethings are pulling me far far away..

i though bout it..

n.,

it seems is just my own thinking as i said.

my own imaginations tat are killing me.

what do i do then?:

i tink i will just put all aside and tis IS a trail for me.

i'll be stronge..

i'll brave the winds full force!

i said i'll do it but i havent prove it with actions!?

so posting won't help me,

but surely i'll pull through tis financial and life crisis..

Pray tat i will..

the Lord helps us if we have the courage to face so..

so todae i went Malaysia to help out with my Dad's work.,

dunno why?

but i hav been helping him file stuff,

type stuff,

write stuff..

all these while..

i guess a helping hand is needed in these times of crisis..

i'll be ther to help.,

but now my life of schooling, training,

is all clashing together with other works..

but what the hack?

when someone dearly to me needs help,

i'll be ther!

tat mean anyone out ther too!

some people out ther may think this is all a excuse to not go with them..

but i'll tell you now,

tis is not 'A Beautiful Lie' -30 Seconds to Mars/

it's not a perfect denial/

whether u believe it or not.,

count ur own thoughts then..

i'm nt goin to interfere..

in anyway i hav caused inconvenience..

i'm SORRY to all..

i said i'll be better and i'll start..

but pls,

just pls,

give me time..

time changes one's self you know..

so either persons fault,

i'll still forgiv forget..

hope u do so tis ~~2008..~~

in tis post,

i'll also type the main topic of whys?

(tis is an essay of my thoughts)

why ME?

i hav been asking myself and the Lord,

Why me?

why not someone else?

why cant anyone understand me?

why 2008?

why after a life of understanding and meanings,

Why?

must this word of 'whys' be in my community life?

i'll start with the 2nd semester of questions..

Why must i be distracted?

Why did i sleep in class?

why am i getting tis results?

is it basketball?

is it badminton?

is it the cramped conditions of my scheldule?

of is it friends?

i hav thought bout this major things in life that hav been lowering the standards of my life..

i tink after i hav gotten my end-of-year overall results tat i realise..

i tank my father so much for tis to come clear in light..

sometimes a good lecture can change one's minds..

so what am i talking about?

~~about the friends i made..~~

~~the time i spent on them..~~

~~the hours of distractions in class..~~

this is what made me what i am now..

but these are no more!

my class hav been a gd class in terms of result ranking,

but not all is gd..

i am part of the more better ones in sec 1..

but in sec 2 of class 2.1/

i guess the influences hav been a great weight for me..

why havent i listened in class?

why havent i woke up to listen in class?

why when onli i hav fallen down tat i start to climb?

these are the quest. i hav not found the light in them yet..

but in my path of life, i will..

i have fell, n i hav fail

i will come back up..

they say,

'success comes after a fall'

i guess mayb my life is just about to get up..

but i suffered enough Lord..

i pray you will now bring me up slowly and steadly..

i will not let anyone down Lord,

not you expecially..

in tis i pray.. amen..

i tink tat Badminton or Basketbal is not the main influence.,

but my training scheldule has been over-writing my studies..

i understand and will change from now on..

i also hav been having ups and downs in my community..

friends hav been misunderstood..

and i regret.

i regret losing the fun and joy we had..

so now,

i recommend.,

'hear no evil,

see no evil,

speak no evil..'

tis is not a fun verse but a veri important one in life's path..

i'll head it's sayings,

and slowly i'll realise more to it.,

'a picture speaks a thousand words..'

~~my words of life have been a chaotic picture..~~

time to repaint my life with meaning..

my holidays too hav been a pile of rubbish..

wont explain much,

but this comes to tat..

and slowly,

i tink we all are making a

'mountain out of a molehill'

and this hav gone wayyyy far..

so Christmas hav past,

but the Christmas spirits will always be ther..

and time to refresh ur lifes page,

and start afresh..

so i wont talk about it..

i'll just say,

time will Change one's life

and nows the time to do so or else one will regret..

~END

(pls keep ur comments on this essay, belive it or not, tat's the way i feel,

and tis essay is just a part of it..)

tank you :)

'it's my Declaration to anyone whose listening.,

Photobucket

日番谷冬獅郎,

Hitsugaya Tōshirō

Labels: a cut of work, but why me

Thursday, December 25, 2008

8:26 AM

[current music: Mad -NeYo]

[current mood: Joyous to the World!!]

todae's Christmas!

Praise the Lord!

soooo.,

i spent my morning in Church!

to celebrate the birthday of Christ!

who came down to save us from our sins!

but unfortunately,

i was too tired as i slept super late yesterday posting..

and somehow.,

slept in Church!

shhhhh!!!!!

yesterday was booming party,

but still the Lord comes 1st right?

so i'm praying for forgivness on tis!

psps :p

but i prayed for this New Refreshing Christmas..

tat all may go well,

With the help of the Lord Jesus Christ!

family & friends!

but most,

with the help of my our Heart tat i may overcome

and see past any distractions!

formula of Achievement: (myversion,1.0)

Potential + Concentration - Distractions

as simple as tat, and u can overcome any obstacles u face.,

any allowance must de deducted,

so tat playtime and studytime is balanced!

as i said,

a NEW ROY emerges today!

tomorrow!

everyday!

one tat is upright and crystal clear on his path of '09!

he'll be his veri best!

cancel distractions with help of gd friends,

family members,

last but nv the least..

the LORD IS MY SAVIOUR!

i'll need ur help.,

and if u need mine,

my helping hand extends to you too!

just ask and u wil recieve!

todae in Church.,

i heard a little of the sermon..

i just got one thing on my mind..

'you must Praise the Lord everydae,

not just on a big occasion..

but everytime!'

and this is sooooo right!

i havent been doing tat in '08..

'we failed to be an obedient church,

we have not heard the cry of the needy,

so forgive us we pray..'

so now in 2009,

i'm willing to make a change!

and i hope the Lord will guide me with wisdom..

so after Church,

i wen to eat with my Grandparents!

visit them as i haven been able to these days..

so, we had a gd chat ther!

then later,

i had to take a bus back to Pasir Ris as to meet with Bh and others..

WenXian is coming later too!

then sooooo conicidentally i saw them on my way to court!

so quickly alighted!

guess what?

they came back from shopping and brought me a Christmas Present!

it's like super dooper mega nicenice lor!

a Toushirou Lighter!!!

i'm soooooo happi i wanted to cry! haha jkjk

Toushirou will nv cry! he stands stronge!

like TANKS lor!

i soooooo love u guys! <3

eeeeeeeeewwwwwww.. lol

i tink they also brought a bday present for me lor..

but nv let me see till it comes..

haha, im gonna cry again..

YA RIGHT! toushirou wont cry!

22nd jan major clue!

anyway, 1 bike..

4 people!

how?!

well got diff. models of how we did our Circus act!

model 1

Bh tallest so always rides the bike!

I piggy back Wc and stand at the back!

Wz sit in front!

DID ride for awhile,

then too tiring for Bh as Wz sit in front..

next!

model 2

as usual Bh biker,

but me, Wz change place!

this was the most unsucessful one!

cause they make me carry all the bag,

all the jacket and shirt..

then i sit in front..

suddenly while riding the jacket caught the wheel!

then sudden brake!

EVRYONE EXPERIENCE HOW TO FLY!

but not my fault lor!

who ask them let me carry everything..

model 3

a slight change from 2..

instead of Wz piggy back Wc,

Bh while riding, piggy back Wc!

but this was the most succesful one!

stil tiring though..

took like near halfhour to reach court! lol

it's hard work to act in a Circus!

sigh!

but at last got bac safe!

then Wx came too..

so since no one was at court, so boring..

so we all went play ground!

still young k!

although im sooooo matured!

muhahahaha!

so now,

1 bike, 5 people!

we did try!

but i guess 4 was max. capacity..

Wx tried sit in front of me.. then wa! still cannot!

unbalanced..

so all walk lor!

then played Blind Mice,

wher i was Spider-Monkey!

and then Ice n Water..

wher i was Toushirou's shikai of water!

then ~~Wx leg was like injured?!~~

so we played the walking type of ice n water..

later, me, Wz, Wx tio taupok!

wa sian, my was like dying?!

but Wx went off when i tio taupok..

Wc somemore go jump and do some WWE move on me!

on this precious TOUSHIROU!

Wei Zhu-ang?!

si liao lor!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

bo heart beat liao.

last we went White color Sand..

cause Bh got tis Voucher of 2 free ice-cream at Swensen's

so treat us! TANKS! again!

then eat eat eat!

the butterscotch was incredible!

Bh also drink sooooo much water!

lik a water-tanker..

than kept asking the waiter for water..lol..

the waiter top-up lik,

1253 x!

hahas!

end with a trip to Popular!

brought a super great guide book for science!

bh recomend de!

tanks!

so must study now le!..MUST

Bh say the book veri gd,

so MUST BUY!

just got bac, n tmr i goin the Book fair at expo!

is lik 70% or 80% discount lor!

super prices lor!

great bargain's a MUST!

also plan to go Bugis after.,

to buy specs on my wanted list!

plus other stuff too..

so many things and i forgot to say it again!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

I Don't Care -FallOutBoy

(previous post vid.)

lyrics posted here instead! >>

Say my name, and his in the same breath,
I dare you to say they taste the same,
Let the leaves fall off in the summer
And let December glow in flames

Brace myself and let go,
Start it over again in Mexico
These friends, they don't love you
They just love the hotel suites, now

I don't care what you think
As long as it's about me
The best of us can find happiness
In misery

I don't care what you think
As long as it's about me
The best of us can find happiness
In misery

Oh, take a chance, let your body get a tolerance,
I'm not a chance, but a heat wave in your pants
Pull a breath like another cigarette,
pawn shop, I'm trading up (trading up)

I'm the oracle in my chest,
Let the guitar scream like a fascist,
Sweat it out, shut your mouth,
Free love on the streets, but
In the alley and I ain't that cheap, now

I don't care what you think,
As long as it's about me
The best of us can find happiness
In misery

I don't care what you think,
As long as it's about me
The best of us can find happiness
In misery

Said-a, I don't care just a-what you think,
As long as it's about me, you said-a
I don't care just what you think,
As long as it's about me, you said-a
I don't care (I don't care)
You said I don't care (I don't care)
Said I don't care,
I don't care
I don't care (I don't care), I said-a
I don't care

I don't care what you think,
As long as it's about me
The best of us can find happiness
In misery

I don't care what you think,
As long as it's about me
The best of us can find happiness
In misery

日番谷冬獅郎,

Hitsugaya Tōshirō

Labels: Day of Praise, I Don't Care -FallOutBoy

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

3:36 AM

great!

gonna start off with a...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2009' im coming for yea!

be prepared guys.,

cause this is officially the official of officials,

NEW ROY!

new year eve

todae,

i went to countdown at downtown!

was lik super crowded!!!

then i met up with everyone.,

cut chort

we went to eat at bk,

went play arcade,

went evrywher,

crowded so veri hard to move,

brought lik thousands of those snow spray and the other type.,

then countdown..

20..

19..

18..

3..

2..

1..

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!

everyone started spraying the cans,

then wa hong gan everyone tio messed up!

then later buy stuff,

go court at 100+..

then craze around!

super fun lor!

then go playground,

Elina siao siao le.. drink too much..

then buy somemore..

party,

then wa lao..

New Year all can stay lik late late 5+..

i go home earliest,

2+..

WTF?!

dun wan talk bout it.

but dam.,

i hate tis..

so tat's it..

boring!

tanks to some people..

enjoy the new ToushiroY!

HyourinmaroY!

Photobucket

日番谷冬獅郎,

Hitsugaya Tōshirō

Labels: HAPPY NEW YEAR

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

6:02 AM

[current mood: hopeless in pain.. :( ]

[current music: I can(t) do better -Avril Lavigne]

hopeless in pain,

as the days are getting further,

and further,

and further..

from hope..

hopes of starting afresh.,

seems like the heavens are playing around with me..

this post is a summary of the whole 2 freakin day..

the 29th

the 30th /current post

29th

badminton training decision day..

however

got the news tat my Grandfather was admitted in the hospital as his vision,

was blurred..

so i our family had to rush to the hospital to visit him,

then had dinner with other relatives ther too..

so training.,

to me,

was excused due to family critical conditions..

dun tell me tat i hav to make priority of my trainings,

the Lord comes first,

then comes family..

30th /current post

todae was another training,

so i should hav gone right?

still nope..

yesterday,

something unconditional happened..

so i was excused..

my grandfather was admitted in hospital,

todae had news from the doc' tat he too had a liver failure.,

and he was in the worst shape!

he cant move,

he cant even answer a nature's call!

dun even tink of turning on the tv as he has no strenght to lift a finger!

so yesterday was a repeat..

a game..

my grandfather now is stress in decisions..

if he were to operate on his eyes,

the doc' is worried he cant take it..

but yet!

if he don't,

he may anytime go blind..

i worry for him,

and will pray for him tat he hav the strenght of the Lord to aid him..

he is in need of a miracle,

friends.,

pls pray for him tat he may hav the strenght for the operation..

i tank you all on his behalf.,

i too ask forgivness from all the baddies from coral,

tat i did not make it to training tis holiday..

belive it or not,

next year im force to go!

so i will go,

WILLINGLY!

sometimes,

i wonder.,

why each day i wan to start-a-new..

i get blocked..

i tink im still a hum ji kia..

a stupid coward!

next year i pray for courage and wisdom..

tat i may move forward instead of rooted to wher i am..

tournaments are coming.,

yet i cant do anything!?

i cant prove myself as ther is nothin!

i just cant do it ok..

internal competitions coming too..

guess who's last?

me!

Me!

ME!

'tanks' guys..

this last lyrics dedication,

is to myself..

wher they say 'I Can Do Better'

but fact is.,

i CANT do any better!

'i dont giv a dam what you say to me!'

日番谷冬獅郎,

Hitsugaya Tōshirō

Labels: rooted from taking one step

Sunday, December 28, 2008

5:19 AM

[current mood: angerfrustrationdepressionconfusiondistressed]

[current music: Last Christmas -Ashley Tisdale]

Last Christmas,

igav u my heart..

but the veri next day.,

you gav it away...

this year, to sav me from tears.

i'll giv it to someone special...

Last year,

i gav my soul into my CCA,

but in this present year.,

you did gav it away...

this year, to sav me from tears.,

should i put my heart and soul somewher else?

my heart says:

'go and be stronge among them as you still hav the passion for it..'

however,

my mind thinks:

'it's useless, you cant do anything right! goin ther is onli another rotting torture..'

who should i take path on?

my feelings tell me head on stronge..

but,

my thoughts says it'll onli be worst..

tmr's training,

one true training can change me..

but tat 1 can be the highest mountain i can climb..

'should i, should i not'

but i cant seem to bring myself to face evryone!

not tat it's my fault i nv come or something..

but how can i face evryone lik tis?

but i hav been undercover for a longlong time..

tis tat tis tat..

so many evils i heard.,

so many evils i seen.,

so many evils done..

and when someone else done them,

the evils just get unnoticed..

but why me?!

why must i be the one wher suspicous minds look at?!

at Church todae,

i prayed..

i prayed on forgiveness..

i prayed tat everything behind me will pass..

i prayed tat i will hav the strenght..

but will i be able to be stronge enough?

just put the blame on me!

i suc,

i seriously suc..

i cant do anything..

i hav no possbility of a talent in me!

i am what they call,

a pure loser..

a freaking bitch!

basterd!

freak!

nerd and still stupid..

i dunno what to do..

i just cant do anything..

im a useless freak..

im a freaking idiot!

im a freaking coward!

im hum ji bo ji!

i just dunno what,

how,

when to do anything..

just treat me as dirt..

i deserve it..

im nothing to you!

im just ur dog..

a cat..

a hamster..

a freaking dead mouse,

a handicapped tortise,

a shot-down bird,

a household low-life ant,

a cockroach waiting to be stepped on,

a lizard who frightens people,

a housefly who feeds on leftovers,

a mosquito onli feedin on people..

a freak-of-nature..

mayb if i go tmr,

i'll cut my wrist and go emo at a corner..

i'll be whacked and pushed.,

i'll be treated as a dog,

obeying it's owners every request..

lick his feet,

eat his leftovers,

do stuff tat proves im a dog..

or mayb,

i should resign to my fate as it is..

im a dog..

i'll lick ur feet,

i'll eat ur leftovers,

i'll be a dog u can beat up..

'should i should i not should i should i not should i should i not should i should i not should i..'

im just a pathatic loser..

im nothin in this universe..

dun even see this post..

'Roy was nv here,

...

and nv will he be.'

Lyrics Ashley Tisdale lyrics - Last Christmas lyrics

'i was nv in this world..'

日番谷冬獅郎,

Hitsugaya Tōshirō

Labels: feelings, heart, mind, thoughts

Saturday, December 27, 2008

7:51 AM

[current mood: confused.. >~<]
[current music: Untitled -Simple Plan]

Untitled -Simple Plan

I opened my eyes

I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight

And I can't stand the pain

And I can't make it go away

No I can't stand the pain

How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes

I've got no where to run

The night goes on

As I'm fading away

I'm sick of this life

I just wanna scream

How could this happen to me

Everybody's screaming

I try to make a sound but no one hears me

I'm slipping off the edge

I'm hanging by a thread

I wanna start this over again

So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered

And I can't explain what happened

And I can't erase the things that I've done

No I can't

How could this happen to me

I've made my mistakes

I've got no where to run

The night goes on

As I'm fading away

I'm sick of this life

I just wanna scream

How could this happen to me

I've made my mistakes

I've got no where to run

The night goes on

As I'm fading away

I'm sick of this life

I just wanna scream

How could this happen to me

i was just mesmoried by this song by Simple Plan..

'Untitled'

expecially tis year of 2008..
the chorus reflects my life tis year..

the songs is a sing-out to those i hurt..

so todae's post is gonna be bout my life reflected on 2 songs,

1st would be this Simple Plan song.,

it has realli expressed my feelings,

my thoughts tat is inside of me,
wanting to tell others how i feel.
but i cant,

im too weak..

im a loser..

the chorus:

my thoughts:

my Declaration:

How could this happen to me? How COULD it?

i made my mistakes, I DID and i regretted..

got nowher to run.. why won't you guys understand?

the night goes on as im fadin away, my life goes on in darkness..

im sick of this life, i realy am..

i just wanna scream.. but how can i now?

How could this hapen to me?

'its my declaration, to anyone whose listening..'

[current music: Scream -HSM3]

another song which shouts my feelings out..

this song is my personal fav. tat explains

feelings of how lost i am,

so bad im gonn 'Scream'!

Scream -HSM3

[Troy]

The day the door is closed

The echoes fill your soul

They won't say which way to go

Just trust your heart

To find what you're here for

Open another door

But I'm not sure anymore

It's just so hard

Voices in my head

Tell me they know best

Got me on the edge

They're pushin', pushin', they're pushin'

I know they've got a plan

But the ball's in my hands

This time is man-to-man

I'm drivin', fightin', inside of

(A world that's upside down)

It's spinning faster

What do I do now

Without you?

I don't know where to go

What's the right team

I want my own thing

So bad I'm gonna scream

I can't chose, so confused

What's it all mean

I want my own dream

So bad I'm gonna scream

I'm kicking down the walls

I gotta make them fall

Just break through them all

I'm punchin', crushin', I'm gonna

Fight to find myself

Me, and no one else

Which way, I can't tell

I'm searchin', searchin', can't find a

(Way that I should turn)

I should, to right or left, it...

It's like nothing works

Without you

I don't know where to go

What's the right team

I want my own thing

So bad I'm gonna scream

I can't chose, so confused

What's it all mean

I want my own dream

So bad I'm gonna scream

Yeah, the clock's running down,

Hear the crowd getting loud

I'm consumed by the sound

Is it her?

Is it love?

Can the music ever be enough?

Gotta work it out!

You can do it!

I don't know where to go

What's the right team

I want my own thing

So bad I'm gonna scream

I can't chose, so confused

What's it all mean

I want my own dream

So bad I'm gonna scream

I don't know where to go

What's the right team

I want my own thing

I can't chose, so confused

What's it all mean

I want my own dream

So bad I'm gonna scream

Ohh

Ahhhhhhhh...

sometimes i realli dunno what to do with my life..

i feel lik Screaming! it out!

im soo veri confused,

which way to go?

what does it realli mean?

why?

what?

when?

how?

sometimes i realli wan my own thing,

but voices all around me keep telling me what they wants..

not me..

they're pushing,

pushin..

what do i do now?

but i will work it out,

gotta work it out!

I can do it,

I can do it!

tis last vid is 'Scream' from High School Musical 3..

dedicated to all those who encouraged me..

all those who kept faith in me,

in times of need..
and i would offer my hand to anyone out ther..

i guess it's time we all open our heart and share our sorrows..

i'll be sharing on how your love for me tat kept me going.

i hope im in ur heart helping you, loving you, always..

'the whole world's upside down, it's spinning faster..'

日番谷冬獅郎,

Hitsugaya Tōshirō

Labels: Scream -HSM3, Untitled -Simple Plan

Friday, December 26, 2008

6:25 AM

[current music: A beautiful lie -30 seconds to mars]

[current mood: pissing.. in both ways]

(can choose to believe tis post or not, 'i dont care' -FallOutBoy)

todae i said i wanted to go Expo right?

then Bugis?

then i WAS also planing to go training after that, as i havent been going for sometime now..

and it Is after Christmas..

but!

suddenly, i dunn why?

my father ask me go Malaysia todae?!

so sudden..

i'm sorri Bh, Allson, Wc.,

if i changed the plans so sudden..

so todae was a couple of mess @$@%@#$

i hav to start now if i wan to buck up..

but it seems somethings are pulling me far far away..

i though bout it..

n.,

it seems is just my own thinking as i said.

my own imaginations tat are killing me.

what do i do then?:

i tink i will just put all aside and tis IS a trail for me.

i'll be stronge..

i'll brave the winds full force!

i said i'll do it but i havent prove it with actions!?

so posting won't help me,

but surely i'll pull through tis financial and life crisis..

Pray tat i will..

the Lord helps us if we have the courage to face so..

so todae i went Malaysia to help out with my Dad's work.,

dunno why?

but i hav been helping him file stuff,

type stuff,

write stuff..

all these while..

i guess a helping hand is needed in these times of crisis..

i'll be ther to help.,

but now my life of schooling, training,

is all clashing together with other works..

but what the hack?

when someone dearly to me needs help,

i'll be ther!

tat mean anyone out ther too!

some people out ther may think this is all a excuse to not go with them..

but i'll tell you now,

tis is not 'A Beautiful Lie' -30 Seconds to Mars/

it's not a perfect denial/

whether u believe it or not.,

count ur own thoughts then..

i'm nt goin to interfere..

in anyway i hav caused inconvenience..

i'm SORRY to all..

i said i'll be better and i'll start..

but pls,

just pls,

give me time..

time changes one's self you know..

so either persons fault,

i'll still forgiv forget..

hope u do so tis ~~2008..~~

in tis post,

i'll also type the main topic of whys?

(tis is an essay of my thoughts)

why ME?

i hav been asking myself and the Lord,

Why me?

why not someone else?

why cant anyone understand me?

why 2008?

why after a life of understanding and meanings,

Why?

must this word of 'whys' be in my community life?

i'll start with the 2nd semester of questions..

Why must i be distracted?

Why did i sleep in class?

why am i getting tis results?

is it basketball?

is it badminton?

is it the cramped conditions of my scheldule?

of is it friends?

i hav thought bout this major things in life that hav been lowering the standards of my life..

i tink after i hav gotten my end-of-year overall results tat i realise..

i tank my father so much for tis to come clear in light..

sometimes a good lecture can change one's minds..

so what am i talking about?

~~about the friends i made..~~

~~the time i spent on them..~~

~~the hours of distractions in class..~~

this is what made me what i am now..

but these are no more!

my class hav been a gd class in terms of result ranking,

but not all is gd..

i am part of the more better ones in sec 1..

but in sec 2 of class 2.1/

i guess the influences hav been a great weight for me..

why havent i listened in class?

why havent i woke up to listen in class?

why when onli i hav fallen down tat i start to climb?

these are the quest. i hav not found the light in them yet..

but in my path of life, i will..

i have fell, n i hav fail

i will come back up..

they say,

'success comes after a fall'

i guess mayb my life is just about to get up..

but i suffered enough Lord..

i pray you will now bring me up slowly and steadly..

i will not let anyone down Lord,

not you expecially..

in tis i pray.. amen..

i tink tat Badminton or Basketbal is not the main influence.,

but my training scheldule has been over-writing my studies..

i understand and will change from now on..

i also hav been having ups and downs in my community..

friends hav been misunderstood..

and i regret.

i regret losing the fun and joy we had..

so now,

i recommend.,

'hear no evil,

see no evil,

speak no evil..'

tis is not a fun verse but a veri important one in life's path..

i'll head it's sayings,

and slowly i'll realise more to it.,

'a picture speaks a thousand words..'

~~my words of life have been a chaotic picture..~~

time to repaint my life with meaning..

my holidays too hav been a pile of rubbish..

wont explain much,

but this comes to tat..

and slowly,

i tink we all are making a

'mountain out of a molehill'

and this hav gone wayyyy far..

so Christmas hav past,

but the Christmas spirits will always be ther..

and time to refresh ur lifes page,

and start afresh..

so i wont talk about it..

i'll just say,

time will Change one's life

and nows the time to do so or else one will regret..

~END

(pls keep ur comments on this essay, belive it or not, tat's the way i feel,

and tis essay is just a part of it..)

tank you :)

'it's my Declaration to anyone whose listening.,

Photobucket

日番谷冬獅郎,

Hitsugaya Tōshirō

Labels: a cut of work, but why me

Thursday, December 25, 2008

8:26 AM

[current music: Mad -NeYo]

[current mood: Joyous to the World!!]

todae's Christmas!

Praise the Lord!

soooo.,

i spent my morning in Church!

to celebrate the birthday of Christ!

who came down to save us from our sins!

but unfortunately,

i was too tired as i slept super late yesterday posting..

and somehow.,

slept in Church!

shhhhh!!!!!

yesterday was booming party,

but still the Lord comes 1st right?

so i'm praying for forgivness on tis!

psps :p

but i prayed for this New Refreshing Christmas..

tat all may go well,

With the help of the Lord Jesus Christ!

family & friends!

but most,

with the help of my our Heart tat i may overcome

and see past any distractions!

formula of Achievement: (myversion,1.0)

Potential + Concentration - Distractions

as simple as tat, and u can overcome any obstacles u face.,

any allowance must de deducted,

so tat playtime and studytime is balanced!

as i said,

a NEW ROY emerges today!

tomorrow!

everyday!

one tat is upright and crystal clear on his path of '09!

he'll be his veri best!

cancel distractions with help of gd friends,

family members,

last but nv the least..

the LORD IS MY SAVIOUR!

i'll need ur help.,

and if u need mine,

my helping hand extends to you too!

just ask and u wil recieve!

todae in Church.,

i heard a little of the sermon..

i just got one thing on my mind..

'you must Praise the Lord everydae,

not just on a big occasion..

but everytime!'

and this is sooooo right!

i havent been doing tat in '08..

'we failed to be an obedient church,

we have not heard the cry of the needy,

so forgive us we pray..'

so now in 2009,

i'm willing to make a change!

and i hope the Lord will guide me with wisdom..

so after Church,

i wen to eat with my Grandparents!

visit them as i haven been able to these days..

so, we had a gd chat ther!

then later,

i had to take a bus back to Pasir Ris as to meet with Bh and others..

WenXian is coming later too!

then sooooo conicidentally i saw them on my way to court!

so quickly alighted!

guess what?

they came back from shopping and brought me a Christmas Present!

it's like super dooper mega nicenice lor!

a Toushirou Lighter!!!

i'm soooooo happi i wanted to cry! haha jkjk

Toushirou will nv cry! he stands stronge!

like TANKS lor!

i soooooo love u guys! <3

eeeeeeeeewwwwwww.. lol

i tink they also brought a bday present for me lor..

but nv let me see till it comes..

haha, im gonna cry again..

YA RIGHT! toushirou wont cry!

22nd jan major clue!

anyway, 1 bike..

4 people!

how?!

well got diff. models of how we did our Circus act!

model 1

Bh tallest so always rides the bike!

I piggy back Wc and stand at the back!

Wz sit in front!

DID ride for awhile,

then too tiring for Bh as Wz sit in front..

next!

model 2

as usual Bh biker,

but me, Wz change place!

this was the most unsucessful one!

cause they make me carry all the bag,

all the jacket and shirt..

then i sit in front..

suddenly while riding the jacket caught the wheel!

then sudden brake!

EVRYONE EXPERIENCE HOW TO FLY!

but not my fault lor!

who ask them let me carry everything..

model 3

a slight change from 2..

instead of Wz piggy back Wc,

Bh while riding, piggy back Wc!

but this was the most succesful one!

stil tiring though..

took like near halfhour to reach court! lol

it's hard work to act in a Circus!

sigh!

but at last got bac safe!

then Wx came too..

so since no one was at court, so boring..

so we all went play ground!

still young k!

although im sooooo matured!

muhahahaha!

so now,

1 bike, 5 people!

we did try!

but i guess 4 was max. capacity..

Wx tried sit in front of me.. then wa! still cannot!

unbalanced..

so all walk lor!

then played Blind Mice,

wher i was Spider-Monkey!

and then Ice n Water..

wher i was Toushirou's shikai of water!

then ~~Wx leg was like injured?!~~

so we played the walking type of ice n water..

later, me, Wz, Wx tio taupok!

wa sian, my was like dying?!

but Wx went off when i tio taupok..

Wc somemore go jump and do some WWE move on me!

on this precious TOUSHIROU!

Wei Zhu-ang?!

si liao lor!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

bo heart beat liao.

last we went White color Sand..

cause Bh got tis Voucher of 2 free ice-cream at Swensen's

so treat us! TANKS! again!

then eat eat eat!

the butterscotch was incredible!

Bh also drink sooooo much water!

lik a water-tanker..

than kept asking the waiter for water..lol..

the waiter top-up lik,

1253 x!

hahas!

end with a trip to Popular!

brought a super great guide book for science!

bh recomend de!

tanks!

so must study now le!..MUST

Bh say the book veri gd,

so MUST BUY!

just got bac, n tmr i goin the Book fair at expo!

is lik 70% or 80% discount lor!

super prices lor!

great bargain's a MUST!

also plan to go Bugis after.,

to buy specs on my wanted list!

plus other stuff too..

so many things and i forgot to say it again!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

I Don't Care -FallOutBoy

(previous post vid.)

lyrics posted here instead! >>

日番谷冬獅郎,

Hitsugaya Tōshirō

Labels: Day of Praise, I Don't Care -FallOutBoy